Self-care can be challenging at the best of times, but especially when you already don’t feel well, it can feel borderline on asking the impossible.
It isn’t impossible. But the point is: you have to start somewhere. Doesn’t matter where it is. But in this case something is always better than nothing and being where you are is not where you want to be. So just…. Start. One step at a time, one day at a time. Be where you are and be satisfied in that for today.
Here are some suggestions – feel free to adapt or use as they suit you….
Support is important. When its not there you really know. So ask for support when you need it but also just be aware….That only you can do some of these things.
The key issue is to set a routine and stick to it. If you have the idea that ‘I’ll do it when I feel like it/ if I need to’ – you’ll never do it. Don’t wait until you feel terrible and aren’t coping to start thinking about integrating these things. If you do them when you are still feeling all right they’ll help you when things get hard. But if it’s hard to start and integrate some activities when you are well…. How hard is it going to be when you feel dreadful? That’s an easy answer: really hard, and you wont do it. Open the door now and it will be easier when and if you do need to.
So:
Sleep. This is, quite simply, vital. I don’t like numbered lists as a general rule, but this is absolutely number one. Regular sleep, regular times, as much as you can. Aim for before 11pm: it’s the most efficient time for REM cycle sleep. Everything will go downhill if this does.
Good nutrition! Whole, non-packaged foods are honestly the best thing you can do for your body and mind right now. Proteins, especially eggs have some vital amino acids and have been shown as highly effective for the reduction of anxiety symptoms. Diet plays an enormous role in mental health (many studies have proven this) and the short term feel good of whatever junk food you eat now is really going to punish you later. And eat regularly. Low blood sugar is really going to set you on a downward spiral.
Exercise is vital, not an optional extra. Go for a walk, find a yoga class, or get back to the touch football (or whatever) class you usually do. This is not about finding something that’s hard to push yourself to do: it only matters that you find something out of your house and work environment that you enjoy that involves being in your body and getting grounded.
Get Acupuncture! The reasons and benefits should be obvious if you’ve made it this far on this website ☺
On that note: find a good Therapist or Body worker. Someone who helps you get grounded and centred in your body again, who you can trust and feel safe with. There are many good therapists (in many fields) out there and sometimes it can take a bit of searching….. but the effort is more than worth it. (This is why I also suggest you start when you are well). This is a time to nourish and support yourself and a regular massage/ art therapy session/ private yoga class is not luxury, it is fundamental. Again I don’t think it matters what exactly – but it does matter that you feel secure and that it be a space set aside for you to focus on your own process.
Some extra tips
Do something creative! I don’t mean now is the time to decide to become a concert pianist, but something focused and creative – pottery, sewing, drawing, gardening, cooking, woodwork, playing an instrument (if you already do),getting into your garage and tinkering with a car or motorbike…. or whatever – is fantastic to channel your stress in a positive way. Honestly if you cant do anything else and aren’t ‘creative’ (and I don’t believe anyone who says this) get a colouring-in book or play dough. Splash paint on walls if you need to. Sing in the shower! I don’t care what it is: it’s the process not the outcome that’s important.
If you have always wanted an animal, and you can….. now is the time. My cat was simply astonishing, and I’ve heard many people say the same in difficult times. Cat, dog, hamster, bird….as long as you bond and trust each other. And honestly please: get a rescue. Especially an adult – it will already be toilet trained and lower maintenance than a puppy/kitten. You might think your saving their life but actually, it may well be them saving you.
Get back to nature! Rainforest or beach, but get out of your house as a quiet and beautiful space can only do you good.
In regard to people….. this is the time you find out who your friends are. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll be surprised. The people who step up and look after you – you’ll never forget (don’t forget to say thank you when you can). The people who don’t – have done you a favour. Because now you know, you wont waste any more time on them, right? Life is short, your time is valuable, and you should spend it with the people who count.
Mindfulness
I highly recommend you actively integrate a mindfulness practice, be that with a psychotherapist who is focused on these techniques or a meditation class.
Decide on your priorities and stick to them. If there are two main things on your list then do them… and be prepared to let other things slide for a while. Be realistic… just choose the main one and focus on one thing at a time.
Be patient, compassionate and thoughtful: with yourself. Most of us, as decent people, offer these things without hesitation to others. But the most important person to be kind to, right now, is you. If you have had a significant loss, trauma, or shock then be aware that it’s going to take time to come back to a place of equilibrium and strength. It’s pretty much guaranteed to be longer than you would like, expect or hope for. So just give it time.
Be present in your experience. Its very normal to just want whatever difficult feelings you have to just ‘go away’. They aren’t going to overnight.
Reduce deadlines and stress. This is really obvious but especially in your first few months, you may well feel ‘fine’. You aren’t fine. You are, most likely, still in shock. So give your self space and time to integrate that experience before jumping into a pressure cooker again.
Keep in mind…. its very common to have an incredible wake up call about your life after a huge experience (that’s why its called life changing!). It can be truly inspirational and life changing – when you start to recover. But right now is not the time to move interstate/overseas, dump your stable paying job to start a new business, or end a significant long-term relationship. The clarity you feel right now isn’t clarity: its tunnel vision. Wait for a while until you can see the bigger picture again. If its right it will still be right in a few months – and you’ll have had time to recover and plan in the mean time. Rapid decisions, more stress and dramatic life changes are not a good idea right now!
